he doesn’t need your voice —

Sometimes it feels like my soul will split in two from how much it hurts, and it’s then that I think I’ll never learn how to deal with this.  I haven’t cried this hard in a LONG time (even with Gurren Lagann and Black Butler, seriously) and especially about him.

The only way I can think how to describe it is like when you’re throwing up and there’s that spasm of the stomach muscles and diaphragm and you can’t control it, but instead of, well, throwing up, it’s just sobbing.  And in these moments, irrationally I know and I don’t rationally feel this way but, I feel like no one on Earth has ever felt like this and that I will never be okay.  Is this what a breakdown feels like?

Daddy I miss you.

I want someone’s arms around me, want someone  to rock me as I cry, but I don’t want to wake up my mom and this is a dumb post and I will probably think it’s dumb tomorrow/later today but I just had to get my feelings out and I don’t know.

This shit sucks.

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2 thoughts on “he doesn’t need your voice —

  1. I Love You!!!! You should always wake me if you need me!! Always and I mean that!! I’ve had episodes like this too. My chest aches-hurts in a way at these times like no other times. Nana told me once when I described the feeling like this after Daddy was gone and she said she thinks that was what a broken heart was like. I still have these times and about Nana too. I can’t believe she’s gone. I want to talk to her on the phone or in person just like with Daddy. It sucks but we have to keep on trying to live the best way we can. I just hope we do see them again one day. I love you so much and will always love you no matter what!!!

  2. Pingback: if you haven’t, you can’t possibly imagine it– « License to Spill

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